Toxic Immunity

My touch must be unbearable....like a toxic strain of regret and disgust. 

I imagine something along the lines of sympathy and lust. 

The slightest suggestion of affection is blown off by your crystal clear rejection. 

There is no obvious path to connection, just an obstacle course fueled off of my

perplexion.....

But when the lights turn off and the sedatives have taken their toll, the toxicity of my touch is overpowered by lust's possessing hold.....

Until the silence returns, guilt combined with disappointment...

I am back to my desperate and convenient role....

Your inevitable weekly appointment . 

Carbon Intuition

The windows are dirty.....all I can see are your fingerprints. These small smudges reminding me that you're gone. It's the only evidence of your existence that I have left. The dust has built up because I refuse to clean off your print. It would only take a simple swipe and you could be gone, forgotten, DEAD TO ME...
And I could be alive and FREE. 

But instead I'll continue to sit in this fogged up car inhaling carbon monoxide and cigarette smoke. Because for the life of me, I just cannot let you go. Even if you are only a memory now....that memory is insanely vivid to me. I am a slave to your acknowledgment; reckless from your disdain...... So I'll continue driving with no destination, just intuition, until I arrive somewhere that feels like home. And you my dear, you feel like the closest thing to home. 

On Display

With the twist of my knife, I’ll make it count.

Displaying your secrets from the inside out. 

Precisely I dig, and precisely I carve. 

I’ll make a monument out of your failures with no disregard.

Your heart will be the first to go. One swift grasp and the blood will surely flow.

Proudly I’ll place it on a mantle, like a beloved family portrait. 

Then I’ll hang your intestines from a coat rack, like a scarf or your go-to winter garment.

Next will be your eyes, and all the lies they tell. 

I’ll scoop them out most violently, and most thoroughly enjoy your yells. 

Then I will hang them like ornaments on a beautiful Christmas tree.

And as for the garland, Well I’ll just simply yank out your teeth 

ONE by ONE with an exceptional glee.

I will string them together with the utmost of care

For they will be intertwined with your bloody and ripped out hair. 

Oh and your skin, well it will naturally be peeled away, 

and I will lay it out on the wooden floor as a rug where the children can play.

And don’t you worry about the blood stained walls, 

Because I feel it gives the room quite some charm. 

However, I must light a fire to keep us warm,

I suppose I will use your scraps, all withered and torn. 

Your monument is quite a sight, and the scent of your secrets burning- Such a delight!

For the sharper the knife, the deeper the wound. And I’m afraid your secrets came out too soon.

Women's Sexuality And Myth

     Throughout the history of myth, sexuality has played a huge role in shaping the way a society views gender and sexuality itself. From ancient Greek myth to Celtic myth to Babylonian myth sexuality has been a major theme in not only the cosmogony of these cultures, but also the interactions, rituals, art, and nature depicted in these cultures’ mythologies. But most importantly it is the way that women’s sexuality is interpreted and handled throughout the history and progression of myth and its surrounding culture. 

According to Paglia, in Sexual Personae, the abnormalities of the sexual identity of the fertility gods are natural to the uncontrolled mystery of sexual growth (41). For example, gods like Isis and Osiris, Aphrodite, Dionysus, Orpheus and more do not stay true to today’s ideas of what sexuality and sex mean. For in ancient myth the sexuality of greek gods was mostly androgynous and  focused on the image of The Great Mother goddess. Whom Robert Graves gives majority of credit to for the initial creation of the Aegean culture.. However, after this culture was conquered by Catholicism, the rise of a male patriarchal society changed the perceptions of many. 

These changes in sexual power have influenced a change in the power of “the mother” and the creation stories of some cultures. If we look at Genesis for example we can see that it is very male dominating. The creator of the universe is a male figure who himself creates everything from the land, to the water, animals, and of course humans. There are no goddesses involved in the cosmogony of this Christian world. However whenever Adam falls from Eden, it is blamed on Eve, the woman. This idea that the woman is a figure of temptation has been constantly dissected and repeated in mythology. Women are viewed as the initial force that drive men away from their innate connection with nature to their ultimate doom. As Paglia states, the mother goddess gives life but also takes it away. She is considered the “common grave” (43).

In the Babylonian myth The Epic of Gilgamesh, we witness the exact power and rage of a “White Goddess” as Graves would describe her. Ishtar, the daughter of sin and goddess of love and war, strikes vengeance after having her love for Gilgamesh rejected. Gilgamesh claims, “You would be...A shoe which bites into the foot of its wearer. Which of your lovers lasted forever? Which of your masterful paramours went to heaven? ........And how about me? You will love me and then treat me just like them!” (Myths From Mesopotamia 78-79) Basically he is reminding her of how awful she treated her past lovers. As if they were as disposable and as meaningless as trash. This is yet another jab at a woman being sexually free, which is just not acceptable in the eyes of a male dominated world.

In response to this slander, Ishtar sends the Bull Of Heaven to Earth where it is defeated by Gilgamesh and Enkidu, causing more tension between Ishtar and these men. To top it all off Enkidu throws one of the bull’s hind thighs at the goddess as if to say “Fuck you WOMAN!” Some would interpret the bull’s thigh as actually being its testicles, which would make this little offering even more sexist. The way Ishtar is portrayed in this myth is incredibly negative. As a reader we cannot forget that Ishtar is indeed a goddess and Gilgamesh and Enkidu are only mortals. Their blatant disrespect and treatment to Ishtar must symbolize something more than just rejection. Considering the rise of the male patriarch during this time I feel that this was their way of rejecting the idea of The Mother Goddess.

  We also cannot forget how Enkidu is “civilized” by the efforts of the harlot Shamhat. Supposedly this civilization of a “wild” man eventually leads to his death. Enkidu curses Shamhat by exclaiming, “Because you defiled me when I was pure. Because you seduced me in the open country when I was pure” (Myths From Mesopotamia 87). He claims that this woman took away his innocence by having sex with him. Even though it is clear that it was Ishtar that cursed him with illness, the blame for his death is put on the temptress Shamhat. Just as the fall of man is blamed on Eve. However, before this catholic patriarchy of men took over myth, the Mother Goddess was not judged for her sexuality nor put to blame because of it. She was responsible for creation and fertility not just death and seduction. 

Both life and death have strong ties to sexuality in many myths throughout different cultures. In Greek mythology it is known that everything is created due to the sexual encounters of the gods and goddesses. Sexuality in women was not shunned, it was a major part of the mythological world.  If we look at Hesiod’s Theogony we see the creation of the universe through the sexual encounters of the gods-Eros, Gaia (Earth), Ouranos, Kronos, and Zeus, just to mention a few. In the Babylonian creation story, Enuma Elish, we see the same type of creation through the gods Tiamat and Apsu.

However, death and violence are probably the most common things related to sex in most ancient myths. The “White Goddesses” were not only extremely beautiful and graceful, they were also terrifying and ornate in their ways of showing power and delivering punishment. Clearly their characteristics were influential in the cultures that worshipped them. In Robert Graves’s The White Goddess it is mentioned that the Galla warriors battle with moon-shaped reaping hooks similar to the hook the goddess Diana used when reaping the harvest. Reaping means castration. It was ritual for the Galla to use these weapons to castrate their enemies (66). Other cultures took part in ritual castration as well. This could be an explanation into why gods and goddesses chose castration as a punishment for other gods. For we know that the gods enjoyed having sex, especially Zeus. It also was a way to take something away from a god---his manhood/gender/sexuality. For example, Kronos cuts off his fathers genitalia in Theogony. This ultimately leading to Kronos fearing the same fate as his father. Kronos vomiting his children back up is a symbol of him giving birth. This being a trait of a woman. Both Ouranos and Kronos are punished by losing their sense of gender. Leading to a both-sexed god, which is the closest imitation of the mother goddess. 

This ultimate mother goddess idea lost touch in the regions where Christianity was concerned. Many beliefs, rituals and even art were desexualized and gave rise to the power of men. The bible began to be considered the true testament of human history. Ancient Paegan myths were being questioned. The Virgin Mary would probably be considered “The White Goddess” of the Catholic faith. She is pure and chaste, and undergoes pregnancy through immaculate conception. She is not viewed as a harlot like the goddess Ishtar sometimes is. Also if transsexualism is considered a sin, then it is certain that the gods Aphrodite and Dionysus could never be considered “true” gods. Religion plays a large role in sex and sex plays an equally large role in religion. And obviously religion plays a large role in mythology. 

The sexuality of men is also manipulated in ancient mythology.  For example, in Genesis Adam has many children with many wives, as does his sons, in order to populate the Earth. In The Epic of Gilgamesh it is somewhat suggested that Gilgamesh and Endiku have a homosexual relationship. These are both sexual situations involving men, therefor they are viewed as okay behavior and not given any criticism. Could it not have been Gilgamesh who was to blame for the death of Enkidu? Did he not seduce Enkidu with adventure and companionship? Regardless who is actually responsible, the harlot from the Cult of Ishtar is at fault. Interestingly enough, snakes symbolize the fear and terror the Mother Goddess can endure on a person and what is it that tricks Eve into eating the forbidden fruit? A serpent. The female is given absolutely no credit in these paegen-turned christian myths. Both women in Genesis and The Epic of Gilgamesh  are viewed as the reasons for defeat unjustly because of their gender and/or sexuality.

Of course, there are gods and goddesses who straddle the line of sexuality, and these are the gods closest to the original ideas of how our Earth and society came to be. The god Dionysus portrayed the characteristics of both the male and female gender. It is most obvious through the art that is influenced by him. It goes against the phallus society that ancient Greece valued. However, this new phallus that Dionysus delivers also paves the way for a break away from this stereotypical phallus society.  This can also be seen with the myth of Isis and Osiris. Isis journeys to find disembodied body parts only to find that his penis is nowheres to be found. A replica is made and this new replica is a phallus. Some may determine phallic symbols as a connection to their reality and/or religion. Through Isis’s journey she matures, and because she matures her view of the old phallic worship is affected. Sexuality is only natural, it is realistic. It is not religious, it is spiritual. Regardless if it has to do with a male or female. 

Sexuality was embraced in these myths.  Sexuality was a quintessential piece to the overall creation of myth. It was only society’s changes in religious values that caused questioning and scorning of female sexuality. Today it is apparent that a phallus society is still present due to religious views and the male dominating factor of myths like Genesis and The Epic of Gilgamesh. However, the rise of The Mother Goddess has made way and female sexuality is embraced and considered a sign of empowerment. Which is how it should have been viewed all along. The power of female sexuality began in the Aegean culture and even through much scrutiny and belittling it fought its way back to the front lines.

Work Cited

Dalley, Stephanie. Myths From Mesopotamia. New York: Oxford University, 1989. Print

Graves, Robert. The White Goddess: A Historical Grammar of Poetic Myth. New York: Farrar, Straus, 1948. Print.

Paglia, Camille. Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson. New York: Vintage, 1990. Print.

Campbell’s Hero’s Journey in Donnie Darko

When it comes to the idea of the Hero’s journey, according to Joseph Campbell, the hero  journeys out of the world that he/she is accustomed to into a new world filled with supernatural and natural forces. These forces are encountered and lead to a victory that is achieved. This achievement ultimately changes the hero and allows said hero to share new knowledge/gifts with his original world. In the film Donnie Darko we are introduced to a hero that is somewhat damaged and his world is damaged due to his sufferings. Donnie is manipulated by the supernatural forces that come his way, and he is left with little or basically no choice but to accomplish the hero’s journey that is paved for him. 

The first stage of the journey is considered the departure. This is basically the incidents that lead Donnie to realize what his mission is. The beginning of the film we meet the hero as he is waking up in the middle of the road. Donnie awakens, takes in his surroundings, and laughs. We then are shown his town and his family. This is a basic summary of Donnie’s “ordinary world”. We learn that this is a hero with a turbulent past, and he struggles with it everyday. Donnie sleepwalks, hence explaining why he woke up in the middle of the road at the very beginning of the film, due to the medicines he is prescribed by his therapist. We learn that Donnie burned down an abandoned house prior to the time of the film. The world around him views him as a criminal or a troubled teen which is the root of his suffering. 

The call of adventure is the first subsection of the departure stage. This is the act of the hero obtaining some sort of information that begins his quest. In the film, we see Donnie on a normal night. After he falls asleep he is “awakened” by whatever force that is calling out to him and begins to sleepwalk through his home and out to a golf course. When Donnie arrives at the golf course it is perceived that he followed someone there. This is when we are introduced to Frank, who I consider to be the “Mentor” type character of the journey. Frank is a man dressed in a creepy bunny rabbit costume. Frank tells Donnie that the world is going to end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. Next thing you know Donnie is woken up by a golf player and he sees that this message is written on his arm. 

Now while all this happened, something was also happening back at Donnie’s home. A random jet engine falls into Donnie’s bedroom, which would have certainly killed him if he would have been in his bed. This is where the larger journey is introduced--the idea of a tangent universe. Anyone who has seen this film is aware that time-travel is the main objective. Many people interpret the film in different ways, but the majority of viewers believe that the moment that the jet engine falls into Donnie’s room it is clear that he is now living in a tangent universe, and the primary universe has been put on hold. This is his separation from society. His initial meeting with Frank is his call to fix whatever caused this tangent universe and to return to the primary one. 

The second subsection is the refusal of the call. I don’t see a time where Donnie ever refuses his call. I see that it intrigues him more than anything. The more Frank makes himself known, the more his purpose is made known. Next is supernatural aid. This movie is just oozing with supernatural instances. The whole tangent universe thing and the visits from Frank are clearly supernatural. I also believe that the medicines Donnie takes allows him to be aware of this supernatural world. 

The crossing of the first threshold is the moment of no return. Donnie is influenced by Frank’s visits, which usually include Frank commanding some sort of task. This moment is when Donnie breaks into his high school and floods it. He also sticks an axe into the head of the school’s mascot statue. This is just the beginning of a somewhat domino effect of  vandalizing events/crimes Donnie commits. Of course no one is aware that Donnie is to blame and Donnie is also unaware of why Frank is telling him to do these things. This moment leads to the subsection called The Belly of the Whale, which is considered the hero’s passage into the realm of the night. Basically this is the moment when Donnie enters a dangerous era. In the film Donnie’s interactions with Frank begin to become more intense. There is a scene in which Donnie is in the bathroom and Frank appears to him in the mirror. Frank asks Donnie, “Do you know anything about time-travel?” Now Donnie is beginning to figure out what it is that Frank is preparing him for.

Now the second stage of the journey begins and it is considered the initiation stage. It begins with the Road of Trials, which is simply what it states- a series of trials. The path of the adventure is now more clearly laid out for him. All of the interactions Donnie has with fellow classmates, teachers, his doctor, family, and of course Jim Cunningham bring Donnie a step closer to reaching his goal. All of these characters are considered the manipulated living and the manipulated dead. It is believed that their actions throughout Donnie’s journey are all aimed in the assistance of his success. All of the events that occur allow Donnie to slowly realize what he is supposed to do. For example, during Jim Cunningham’s presentation on the lifeline of fear and love, Donnie says out loud, “I’m moving through time.” I think this is the pivotal moment in the movie where Donnie realizes that everything around him isn’t real, he is in a tangent universe. 

Now when it comes to influences from other people, Frank is not the only person to do so. This brings up the next two subsections- Meeting with the Goddess and the Temptress. I believe the goddess to be Roberta Sparrow AKA Grandma Death. We are introduced to her earlier on in the film when Donnie and his father almost hit her with their car. Roberta is standing in the middle of the street due to her walking back and forth to her mailbox, apparently waiting for a letter. Whenever Donnie addresses her she whispers something in his ear. The audience is not told what she said until later on and Donnie does not realize it’s importance until later on as well. “Every living creature on Earth dies alone” is Grandma Death’s message. After this Donnie begins to dive into the idea of time-travel and he asks his science teacher, Dr. Monitoff, about the fundamentals of time-travel. This is when he obtains the book The Philosophy of Time-Travel  which coincidently was written by Roberta Sparrow. Everything that Donnie is experiencing, supernaturally speaking, is explained in this book. Now Donnie is putting together the pieces and realizing that he may have the power to build a time machine. Grandma Death plays the central role in making this clear to our hero.  

The temptress is considered as a person who may deliver temporary relief for the hero but also a distraction that could ultimately cause him to fall away from his mission. I don’t see a very strong temptress, however Gretchen and Dr. Thurman could be considered as this person. Gretchen gives Donnie relief, however she is the main key in the grand scheme of his overall mission. Now Dr. Thurman somewhat causes some distraction. Clearly due to the fact that she is his Doctor, she strongly believes that Donnie is schizophrenic. During their sessions Donnie shares all of the things that are happening and his belief of why they are happening. She is constantly trying to bring him back to reality, unaware that they are not present in reality. However, her attempts only bring Donnie closer to his Apotheosis. 

The next subsection, and possibly the most important, is the apotheosis. This is the moment when the hero is granted with the tools he needs to succeed in the next stages of his adventure. Some would say this is the moment when the hero and his ultimate “god” become one. This moment is achieved during the scene where Donnie and Gretchen go to the movies. While watching the movie Gretchen falls asleep and Frank makes his strongest appearance. Donnie asks, “Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?” Frank replies with, “Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?” This is probably one of my favorite lines in the movie because Frank makes a good point. Their surrounding world is not reality so the appearances they have make no difference. This scene is also the first time the audience sees Frank’s real identity, which shows that he has been shot in the eye (foreshadowing). Frank tells Donnie that he knows what he has to do and to “Burn it to the ground!” He is referring to Jim Cunningham’s house. I believe this is the moment when Donnie becomes completely aware of his situation and begins his real journey-to travel back in time to the primary universe. He has become “god like” because he knows that the things he does from now on will have no real consequences besides assisting him in his journey. 

Donnie burning down Jim Cunningham’s house opens a huge can of worms, but also allows everything to fall into place in order for Donnie to achieve the main purpose. This leads to the next subsection, The Ultimate Boon. This is when the goal of the journey is achieved. The party that Donnie and his sister throw brings all the pieces of the puzzle together- Gretchen, Frank, and Roberta Sparrow. The exact moment of importance is when Gretchen is hit by Frank’s car due to Grandma Death standing in the middle of the road again waiting for that letter. However the Frank we are seeing now is not the same Frank Donnie has been seeing, this is the manipulated living version of Frank. Donnie then shoots manipulated living  Frank in the eye and then tells the witnesses to hurry home and that everything is going to be okay. Donnie now knows what he must do. 

The third and final stage of the journey is considered the return. This is the hero’s path back into society after he has obtained a new awareness. The first subsection is the Refusal of the Return, however I do not see a refusal from Donnie what so ever. What he gains from the Ultimate Boon is in no way blissful or enticing. Instead he jumps automatically into The Magic Flight. Which is connected with the Rescue From Without. After shooting Frank, Roberta Sparrow tells Donnie, “A storm is coming, you must hurry”. Another push from the goddess. Donnie then hurries home, with dead Gretchen in tow, to say his final farewell and obtain the car that he needs to finally complete his journey. 

We are now brought to the The Crossing of the Return Threshold which is the moment when the hero is finally safe from anymore trials besides his final task. This task is the act of Donnie building his time machine. Using his telekinesis, supernatural aid, he takes the engine from the plane that his mother and younger sister are on in order to return home from their trip, and sends it through a wormhole back to the primary universe. “I’m going home” are Donnie’s last words.

Having finally achieved his main objective, Donnie has become the Master of the Two Worlds. We see the tangent universe rewinding/erasing itself back to the start of it all. Donnie is shown in his bed on the night of the jet engine fiasco. He is laughing because he successfully returned to the primary universe. We are now brought to the last subsection- The Freedom to Live. Usually in the hero’s journey this is shown with the hero maybe marrying and living happily ever after. However, Donnie decides to stay put in his bed and die from the impact of the jet engine. This allows all of the characters Donnie came in contact with in the tangent universe to live. This is a pretty selfless act, I feel like it is a perfect display of a true hero. 

All of the manipulated dead and living- Dr. Thurman, Donnie’s family and teachers, Jim Cunningham, Ms. Farmer, Cherita, Frank, and of course Gretchen are affected by the series of events that occurred in the tangent universe. This brings everything full circle and explains the majority of these characters actions throughout the film. Everything that Donnie experienced had a purpose behind it. Why Donnie was chosen as the hero for this far out mission is never explained but it is clear that he brought not only a message back to the ordinary world but he sustained this ordinary world. 

In conclusion, Joseph Campbell’s structure of the hero’s journey was present in the film Donnie Darko. Even if it wasn’t in a very traditional form, the hero still accomplished a goal that allowed him to be reborn and allowed him to benefit the original world that he began in. Donnie was separated from society in order to set out on a mission that would change him and his world forever. 

Inevitable Quotients

Take two steps forward, Do you remember what it feels like close again?

Little paper notes still lingering of your scent, old photographs reminding us of all the time we spent.
Wrapped up in hand-me-down quilts,I can hear your lungs expand with every breath that's spilt.
The funny things you said, all the times you made my cheeks turn a shade of red.
The way we make the same faces, think alike in all and any cases.
Hands held & never letting go, confused at what we do and do not know.
Still contemplating every single moment, still working out the quotients.

All I see is footprints now, And I'll ask one last time;;Do you feel close again?

Atmosphere

It’s an epidemic. Your symptoms are clear. 

Eyes red, near dead. There is a chill in the atmosphere.

More than contagious, the sight is outrageous. 

Keep talking so I know you’re still here.

Spreading more quickly, you appear to be more sickly. 

Something is missing here.

No explanation, no signs of information. 

Just imagination left to add to the fear.

Emotions taking control, while consuming us whole.

Last words drowning in tears.

Accomplishments fading, memories waiting.

I’m beginning to see that the end is near.

This is an epidemic. And your symptoms are clear. 

Eyes blank, chosen fate. You are part of the atmosphere.

Cabernet

I surrendered to myself, by the intoxication of the dark red crimson...very similar to the color of my vision. It is an euphoric rage combined with ravishing red. Watch me while I admire this exquisite, intoxicating ruby red.

Experiencing a rush; craving a satisfying mission. Enduring an air as thick as blood diamond conditions. THAT is the horror of my vision.

I am betrayed by the scarlet poison that is defeating the reality of my senses.

RED is my vision
My addiction
My very pleasing crimson.

Cabernet, they say...can take you away...

Switchy Glitchy Itchy Bitchy

Outside of myself, puppeteering
Calculating every single twitch
When can the musician and the instrument switch?

Inside of myself, domineering
Belittling every single twitch
When can the designer solve this glitch?

The darkness is enchanting within myself
It is addicting, a habit, this nagging itch!

But you cannot run away from yourself...
The Impulsive, Passionate, Raging BITCH

Allow My Lips and Eyes to Show it

Lips sewn shut, tightest at the corners.
No truth will spill out as long as my smile remains together...

Eyes wide open, brightest with desire.
No tears will fall down as long as my expression portrays inner fire...

Open or Closed---- My mind cannot control it.
My heart beats for emotion, allow my lips and eyes to show it.